“Honestly, I define myself as an artist who respects every emotion and every human being’s worth, but I chose to reflect them through writing and art that I love.”
This is how Prapassorn “Teayii” Kanjanasoot describes herself when asked whether she identifies herself as an artist or a writer, as most of her artworks involve written messages expressing her feelings, while also giving encouragement to others.
The art of “healing” and moving on
‘Surrender to sadness’ is among Teayii’s messages, which reflect her thoughts, her feelings, as well as her healing process in that particular moment. Her choice of words partly came from her experience as a stage director, acting coach and scriptwriter in the past.
“I don’t write just for fun,” she said. “Whenever I write something on paper, that means I respect myself as a human being; I write things because I really felt that way. Some words can be so painful, so intense, or so insulting, but every word comes from me, respecting myself and my emotions as a human being.”
Teayii started expressing her feelings in written form about two years ago, when she got caught up in a toxic relationship with her girlfriend, which she described as a situation she could not get out of. In fact, the 34-year-old artist said that she used to be a very happy person, in a sense where they could ‘move on’ very easily from discouraging situations.
“People who know me well believe that I don’t get sad, because I didn’t have anything to be sad about,” Teayii explains.
“My parents are like that too; they move on very quickly. For example, they never tell me off for failing my exams. If I fail, I just re-sit the exam, and once I’m done, let’s have dinner. If I don’t like a subject, just don’t do it, but if I like something, I will keep doing it. It was a very simple process, where we believed that sadness is something that we must fix rather than embrace.”
After getting caught up in the toxic relationship, in which she had no way to vent, the only thing that helped her heal was her own voice. Teayii decided to grab a piece of paper to describe her feelings, which helped her realise her own emotions during the most difficult times. She then decided to post them on social media, in case her messages can comfort others.
“When I read my own notes, I was like, maybe I should post this on social media, just in case my friends or anyone who’s experiencing the same thing came to see them, so that we can breathe it out together. It was that simple.”
Her collection of notes eventually turned into “Teayii Artwork”, which not only serves as her personal diary, but is also a safe space that respects everyone’s feelings and being truly human.
So far, “Teayii Artwork” has attracted over 120,000 followers on Instagram, 5,600 followers on Facebook, and has presented a series of solo exhibitions. Some of her messages were displayed in her latest exhibition, “And then, she said goodbye”, which compiled notes from her diary along with photographs that she took when she fled to London to heal after her breakup.
Image Courtesy: Teayii Artwork
Obsessed with pain?
“My way of moving on is to be really sad first. If I don’t go through sadness, I won’t be able to open the next door, which is the door to freedom from our feelings and eventually to accept reality.”
As most of her healing messages revolve around heartbreak or disappointment in life, Teayii jokingly said that many people around her believe that she is obsessed with pain. She explains, however, that everyone’s feelings are valid and we are allowed to embrace sadness in order to fully appreciate happiness.
“Like the phrase “surrender to sadness” that I wrote, for example, it came from my own feeling that I will not fight against sadness anymore, but I will surrender and be friendly with sadness. Once I can be friends with sadness, happiness is just around the corner to me.”
Frankly speaking, society barely allows people to cry and we are often pushed to be strong in order to minimise pain or sadness, as it is a common belief that such emotions are signs of weakness or immaturity. Teayii is among those people who were pushed to be strong when still in pain.
“Those who cared about me told me that they are sick of seeing me being so devastated,” she said as she recalled certain parts of her past.
“When I cried, I cried without counting the days. I was that depressed and I would hear things like, when will I be strong, or when will I be back to normal? But it was that moment in life where I told myself that okay, I’m done with this, I’m done with being depressed and I cannot take this anymore, and that was when I decided to stand up for myself.”
Meanwhile, Teayii noticed that people have been taught to believe that being happy is the most important part of our lives. Therefore, when people experience sadness, pain or despair, they often push such feelings to the very bottom, instead of trying to embrace and understand them.
“It’s like we’re training ourselves to think positive, so that our body gets used to receiving positive energy,” she explains.
“But what about sadness? If we never train ourselves how to deal with sadness, we will get knocked-out, because we could not bear this anymore. Therefore, whatever I’ve written in my notes are real, because I accepted the fact that I was really in pain, or I accepted that I failed. Accepting that you are allowed to fail can help us embrace reality, instead of only holding on to our dreams.”
Image Courtesy: Teayii Artwork
Be proud of your small accomplishments
With her growing community online, Teayii says she is proud that her artworks have touched people’s hearts and have empowered people to love themselves again.
“Honestly, I feel that I’ve succeeded,” she said. “What I meant by success doesn’t mean that I will stop here, but it’s embracing the moment of success, when I have helped others heal through my messages. Now, I also have international fans translating my messages, which makes me really happy.”
When asked whether she could call herself a life coach, however, Teayii quickly said no and that she would never call herself that, “Because a life coach is someone who gives people advice, but what I’m doing is not being a life coach. I just wanted to listen to others, embrace people’s feelings, comfort them and give them encouragement,” she said
Apart from healing others through her writing, another goal she has in mind is to spread awareness of the beauty of Thai calligraphy, with which she has been inspired by visiting exhibitions on calligraphy in other countries.
“I’ve seen Indian and Arab calligraphy, which made me realise that the Thai language complex but it’s also beautiful. So, how come Thai calligraphy is not used as a piece of art?” she asked herself.
“My new dream is to make my handwriting a piece of art which gets into the hearts of human beings. Now, my target audience is people in Thailand, but one day, I want people to wonder what I have written. I want Thai calligraphy to be recognised around the world. This is one of my goals in doing “Teayii Artwork”, where I turn the Thai alphabet into art.”
Finally, as to what advice she would like to give in order to be happy again, learning to be proud of small accomplishments would be the first step, which can help in regaining self-confidence and eventually accepting yourself for who you really are.
“My process is to start from being proud of small accomplishments each day,” she said. “For example, I got to drink a fresh glass of water today, appreciating how fresh it was, or today I got to order my favourite coffee and I’m happy. Or you got home by yourself today, whether it’s by bus, a limousine, or a taxi, you got home safely, so you should be proud of yourself. When we are proud of our small accomplishments, we will find confidence in ourselves.”
Teayii also believes that when women are truly confident in their own ways, they will never question their own worth. Most importantly, being yourself and loving your true self will eventually attract the right people, who will love you just the way you are.
“When women have their own confidence, they will not ask themselves ‘Why am I not good enough’, ‘Why doesn’t he or she love me’, ‘Why does that person think of me this way’. We will not ask ourselves any of these questions [if we have confidence in ourselves].”
By Nad Bunnag, Thai PBS World
